In a surprise move Stanford’s Graduate School of Business (GSB) announced that professors will now adopt the title of Dude. The GSB awards a Masters in Business Administration, preparing its students for careers as tomorrow’s business leaders. The move drew a somnolent cheer from the GSB lawn where two dozen MBA students were playing beer pong and napping late Tuesday afternoon.
“This move has been a long time coming,” said Dude Jonathan Linkin. “We feel this new title better captures the relationship between our faculty and students.” The GSB is famous for its reputation as being Stanford’s largest fraternity, and many within the school are stoked to begin using the new titles.
GSB Student Body President Jake Flambé was unavailable for comment because he is in Cabo.
Associate Dude Carolyn Canolini is optimistic about the new titles. “Last week I was teaching Finance 214: How to Barbecue and Discuss the Stock Market when a student came up and said, ‘hey Professor Canolini, where should we recycle our red solo cups.’ And I thought, dang, it just feels weird being called a professor.” The colloquial nature of the Business School is an oft cited motivation for the change. “It just feels so much better when someone comes up and is like, ‘Dude, the recycling can is filled with Sweetgreen’s containers, is there somewhere else we can put our cups?’”
Many GSB students have similarly positive reaction to the change in titles. “It’s a nice break,” said Erica Lasagna. “I came here from Goldman Sachs where everything was pretty formal. It’s nice to leave the office for two years, learn about leadership and financial markets, fly to Las Vegas on the weekends, and call our Professors’ dude,” Lasagna said over Instagram DMs.
“We have classes?” asked one gobsmacked second year MBA student.
Assistant Dude Mark Capicola did raise an issue with the new titles. “Business in 2022 is all about making inclusive safe spaces, and I hate to break it to you folx, but Dude isn’t the most inclusive term. It leans masculine.” Dude Capicola’s realization sparked an intensive problem solving session in the GSB’s collaborative lab. Four hours, 300 post-it notes, and four doodle-covered whiteboards later, several high-ranking Dude’s emerged with a potential answer.
“Initially we were torn between changing the title to Dudex or letting people identify as Dude or Dudette, but I think we’ve come up with something even better,” said Dude Linkin. “From now on GSB instructors will be known as homies. Anyone can be a homie.”
Homie Capicola nodded appreciatively. “I like it.”
